First Annual Shiwa Fest 2009

Oh my god, I can't believe you guys missed Shiwa Fest '09! It was the best friggin' one yet! There were all these bands there that totally kicked ass and transcended us into some astral music/love festival bubble thing. The night was forever and gone in the same instant, and I saw dimensions bounded only by their unapproachable limits, the smallest ones doubling as the biggest if only you'd turn your head ever so slightly to the left. Colors and fabrications blew away and all that was left was emotion. I could see emotion. It was this purply kind of velvety sof- wait, not purply, there wasn't any color. It's like I knew it was purple but I couldn't see the color purple. I just wanted to jump into this velvety tasseled road and ride away from it all into the blackness, and I would have, but everybody started dancing and I got bumped back into this. Shiwa Fest is the closest any man has ever come to the beginning of time. Yeah, so what if I was wasted at 5 30 pm on a Sunday? Monday was a day off, Mr. Man, so back up. Plus, we were internationating. It's totally western culture to pound some beers in a public restroom and then internationalize all up on people, Amurrican style. Ughhhh!

Anyway, it started with this guy.

He was 'eh,' at best. He was playin' by himself as people walked in. He probably begged someone just to get on stage, and the headliners probably felt sorry for him. I will say that he played a pretty mean Badfish, and his blues free-style thing wasn't so bad. But he totally messed up that bubbly-toesy Jack Johnson song and stopped halfway through Blackbird. Who does that? He looked nervous. But who wouldn't be, for Shiwa Fest '09, knowing that as soon as he was done the big dogs would come out and totally rock his shit.

Unfortunately, the next band, which was a Japanese lead singer/bassist girl named Azusa (totally cute) and her drummer boyfriend (some American punk) and this wicked awesome Japanese guitarist named Manabu rocked so hard that they actually made an EMP with all their rockage and blew out all the cameras for their three song Hawaiian 6 cover set. Moving right along. Next came THE CREW.

Oh my god they were friggin awesome.

The drummer (Matt) was all tat tat tat tatty tat tat ttt-tat ttt-tat ttt-tat bch bch and then he came down on the crash hard, like splitting a friggin red wood, you know what I'm sayin, like KABLAM while I swear the kick drum rang like a gong. Look at this animal!

Ok, well, he looks kinda dreamy in that picture, but that's only because he knows that he's on camera. He doesn't allow just anyone to see him in his rawness. But, the guitarist (Derrreick). Oh hell yeah.

Shredding like he hadn't eaten in a year. And with a voice like a bird.

And the bassist (Eric) had lasers for eyes! He is a bassist robot sent from the future to destroy rock and roll as you know it. He also destroyed seven people in the crowd. True story.

Then, the bassist dropped out after they finished the music-revolutionizing originals and the guitarist and the drummer did an hour of Whitestripes stuff. If only the drummer woulda worn a skirt like Meg White...

MORE! PLEASE! GIVE ME MORE OF THAT ROCK AND ROLL %&*T!

YES! DANCE TESTERS!

Then, when they had finished rocking our faces off, the cool bastards actually came down from their higher dimension and partied with us like regular folk! They feel like the rest of us. They hurt like the rest of us. They boast like the rest of us. They drink beer like the rest of us. They scream like the rest of us. And in the same order too...

Especially when their bassist boy is now rockin' the guit-box with his band and his originals. It was amazing. He re-revolutionized what the other band not an hour before had revolutionized. I almost shot myself right there because I knew life could never get any sweeter.

And then, as he held the last chord and the drum skidded to an abrupt halt, color returned and I knew that I would never be the same.

True Stats -

People blown up - 0

Number of laser eyes bassist possesses - 0

Location - Shiwa City Center, capacity - 1,200

Attendance - pushing 25

Attendance by people who I didn't know - 12? maybe?

Chairs set up (because it's Japan) - 70

Crowd size be damned, it was exhilarating, and I, like the attendee who wrote this account, will never be the same.