A few from the Back Wall

I generally don't watch or read weather forecasts for Iwate because I generally don't watch news programs or read Japanese newspapers. I rely, instead, on other people. I ask my students or co workers what the weather will be like for the day, or I look at what other people are wearing and doing. You see, the only thing I really care about is whether or not it will snow. That dictates whether I will venture into town or whether I will hole up and hide away in my apartment for the night. When the windshield wipers on the teachers' cars are lifted off the glass and hanging out in the air, I have a pretty good idea that it will snow later. When the students' bike lot is relatively bare in the morning, meaning they used some other transportation (parents' cars or the bus) to get to school, I have a good idea that it will snow a lot later, because these kids bike through almost anything. So, you can imagine that my decision to stay in tonight was rendered academic when two students swished past me this morning on cross country skis. So here I am, cozied up in my one heated room, sitting on a tatami mat drinking hot tea. It's been snowing continuously all day and it just continues to pile up. Outside is bright with snow, and I'm very happy I'm in here and not out there. So, I thought I'd use this down time to write about a few old funny teachering stories before I forget them. Of course there is action, adventure, cultural misunderstandings, language barriers, and even some good old fashioned smut. This is the first one.

1. B and V really do sound alike to some Japanese people.

"There once was a man named Jack. Jack was not a very nice man. He was a thief. He stole things from people," I started. It was Halloween, and I was telling my students the Halloween story of Jack o' the Lantern. It couldn't have started any better. Outside was dark from rain, and the lights in the classroom were off. I had a flashlight tucked under my chin pointing upwards, goulishy highlighting my features. My voice was low and my rhythm slow and deliberate. "Even though Jack was a very bad man, he was a very, very smart man. Every night Jack would wander the country looking for people to steal from. And he would steal anything that he could. Food, clothes, and especially money." When I wasn't speaking you could hear a pin drop. Miku, one of the girls in the front, looked scared already and I hadn't even gotten to the scary part. This was going to be great!
"One dark, rainy night, a lot like this night, as a matter of fact, Jack was wandering..." I acted out a creeping sort of walk, "when he met..." Here it was, the line I was looking to sell. "THE DEVIL!" I threw my flashlight onto Kanno Sensei.
Laughs. Laughs? Why were people laughing. Just a few at first, then some more giggles that had tried to be hushed but failed.
"HE MET THE DEVIL!" and I pointed at Kanno Sensei. I was still into the story. I was acting! The entire room broke out in laughter.
Confused, I pointed at her and said, "She is the Devil. Devil," I was still pointing at her, but now with significantly less conviction. There wasn't a serious face or a dry eye in the classroom. They were all laughing hysterically, having given up the pretense of giggles. Even Kanno Sensei was chuckling. I was still at a loss.
"She is the Devil," I tried feebly, but it just made the roar of laughter louder. I just stood there. What else could I do? When the laughing died down, and the room was full of gasps as the kids tried to catch their breaths, I tried one last time. "Devil?" I questioned as I pointed at Kanno Sensei. The room exploded again.

You see, my pronunciation of 'devil' is more like 'devull,' with the l sound trailing off. Add that to the fact that some Japanese people without much English experience, and my students definitely fall into that category, can't tell the difference between 'b' and'v', like in 'berry' and 'very,' and my 'devil' sounds a lot like 'debu'. 'Debu' just so happens to be a slang and derogatory word for 'fat.' Of course it is, with my luck... Put all those coincidences in the mixer and out comes me calling Kanno Sensei, who is on the plus side to say the least, 'fat', five to seven times. And three of those times were with tremendous passion and conviction. The story limped to an end. Horror had turned tragically into comedy.